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It’s On Me

When I was a kid, nothing used to stress me out more than being in a social situation where it would cost money and I wasn’t sure I had enough.  I remember going out with friends or family… even when I would be with my mom, who would be paying anyway since I was a kid and having an internal sigh of relief when someone would pick up the tab for us.  It wasn’t even my responsibility, but I knew… I knew it was a relief, a blessing for us.  I knew my mom must be feeling that sigh of relief too even if she didn’t know she was.  These days, I am able to pay for myself.  These days, I can even reach for the bill and truly mean it when I say, its on me!  The other day I was out with a friend, and he picked up the bill… I caught myself breathing the sigh of relief again.  I thought to myself, woah!  What was that? It was automatic, out of my control.  It was habit.  It was involuntary.  The point is that these things creep into your life when you least expect them.  They are a part of you unless you make a conscious decision to do or be different.  They are the things that can stop your progress to your financial goals.  This may seem melodramatic.  What I mean is this:  If I do not stop myself from feeling that relief, I will always feel that I am in that old position of lack even when I am not.  I will put myself on a frequency to perpetuate it.  I will not even know what I am doing, but I will continue to find myself in the position of needing to receive from others.  They say the first step to getting better is realizing you have the problem.  Im so grateful I had that involuntary sigh of relief… It puts me one step closer to my freedom.