The Deli Tray

Most of my life, money has been a stressor for me.  And, even though I can pay my bills now, I still revert back into the self-talk that stems from total fear of not enough.  Today I volunteered to pick up some deli trays for an event.  When I volunteered, I didn’t even think about whether or not they would be pre-paid or if I would pay and get reimbursed… progress, I guess?  Because not so long ago that would have freaked me out!  I would have been SO scared that I would have to pay, it would empty my bank account, and I would not be able to buy groceries that week.  Luckily, my financial situation is no longer that dyer.  BUT, today, when I had to slap down the $150 for the food, those feelings of fear started to wash over me again, just like when I was younger.  This is something that happens a lot.  And, I have worked through a LOT of my money history.  The fact is that if you don’t work through things, when these feelings come, you will give in to them.  So, today, when I began to stress about when I would be reimbursed, and if it would put me in a bind, I was able to take a breath, stop, and tell myself you are ok now.  You will be ok if this money takes some time to come back to you.  Don’t go down this rabbit hole.  And, I was able to end the negative feelings and feel grateful that I am able to help in this way now.